I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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