Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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