i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
