i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
