Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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