I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
