Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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