he told me I talked like a deaf person
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
did you just send me my own nude
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
