We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize