lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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