I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Pants are for mortals
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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