he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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