When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
