But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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