i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
