its not stalking. its research.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
