I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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