My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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