If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
