i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
