did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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