so that wasnt chicken after all
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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