Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
