i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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