Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize