If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
