That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
