I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
