Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
