Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
