Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
