i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize