apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
