Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
