ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
