May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
