I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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