Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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