Your dad touched me again.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
