who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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