I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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