no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
