He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
