Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
