they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
