Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
