Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you would pick up someone in the library
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
