too bad you live with your parents still
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Less talking, more tequila
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
