You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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