you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
