I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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