I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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