i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I could fuck to npr.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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