She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
