we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize