last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
