Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
