just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
