i think my mom watched the whole time
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
