oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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