Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
