Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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