Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
