his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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