he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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