The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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