I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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