yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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