She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Boobs are out for the taking
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
