Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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