i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
