three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
