she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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