I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
