id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I deserve this hangover.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
