Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize