I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
