Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
