Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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