This is not my ceiling
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize