Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
