You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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