If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
