He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is Oprah even human
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
