She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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