jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
