Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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