The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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