So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
