4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
