shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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