Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
