Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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