just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
