I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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