This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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