Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
