why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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