Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
