Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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