He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
