C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
