and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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