Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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