i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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