That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
are you so shy because you have an std?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
