Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
