it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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