so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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