i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
