he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
