Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
