That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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